Maria

Posted: April 9, 2014 in Friday Fictioneers

 

copyright - DLovering

Maria glanced at the paper streamers rustling lightly overhead.
Her dress, sashed with a ribbon the color of blue jays,
was white as the snow on the mountain above Zuapia.
Her mother had pinned her long black hair atop her head
with the tortoise shell combs she wore on her wedding day.
The previous night, Maria’s sister listed her “wifely duties”.
Maria knew most. Rise before dawn, fry tortillas, wash laundry, go to market, fry tortillas
But to lie down with her husband and …
Standing beside her betrothed, his ancient skin corrugated by the sun
her fourteen-year-old eyes bled tears.

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Comments
  1. Hala J. says:

    Man, this is a hell of a punch. I had a feeling she was young and forced into this, which shows how you set up the atmosphere…seemingly happy but with festering sadness. This is all too true for too many girls on this planet. Great, if not horribly sad, work!

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  2. Thanks for your kind words.

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  3. elappleby says:

    I loved the descriptions in this, especially ‘ancient skin corrugated by the sun’. And when you realise how young she is and how old he is. Brilliantly done.

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  4. wmqcolby says:

    You “brought it” this week, I’m telling you! Good flavor of the culture, especially the tortoise-shell combs. My grandmother (born in Mexico to a Spaniard and an American) had those same combs!

    Terrific tale!

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  5. Judah First says:

    Nice snapshot. Love it!

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  6. Sandra says:

    Very powerful tale.

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  7. atrm61 says:

    Loved the details and that ending was a KO! Brilliant,Alicia!

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  8. Very well-written and very powerful! “14 year old eyes bled tears” is a terrific line.

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  9. Heartrending story of a girl caught up in her culture with no way to escape. It will likely be much worse when he dies years ahead of her unless she’s provided for and/or has children old enough to help her.

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  10. I hit “post comment” before saying it was well done with vivid description. 🙂

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  11. This is how one delivers a heartbreak in 100 words. Good job.

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  12. I think my eyes would have bled tears, too. All too common in some parts of the world even today. I did laugh when you said, “lie down and…” I reminded me of how I felt when I learned about sex. Haha!! Glad I was wrong. 🙂 Good description and comparisons, Alicia, and punch-in-the-gut ending.

    janet

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  13. Thank you! It seems young ladies all over the world are caught up in so many bizarre customs: genital mutilation, early marriage, forced prostitution . . . When will people realize women are people, too, and men “ain’t always that smart!”

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  14. While we both went with weddings, very different outcomes! A very sad story, Alicia, very well written– “her fourteen year old eyes bled tears,” really packs a punch!

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  15. Thanks, Dawn! Good to hear from you.

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  16. Dear Alicia,

    You written a heart-breaker this week. Well done.

    shalom,

    Rochelle

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  17. That is so moving. Bravo.

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  18. Wonderful! I think this is one of my favorites so far.

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  19. You tell a tale, that is so important to tell .. working your way thorugh life is one say, but to be betrothed to ancient skin is anothe…

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  20. Oh the poor girl. We should appreciate our lot in life, should we not?

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  21. K.Z. says:

    what a nightmare 😦 powerful writing.

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  22. What a heart-wrenching story, Alicia! It starts out so happily and then the ending slips in with a powerful punch. Brilliant.

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  23. My heart sinks for this poor girl. It’s a bad enough situation to not marry for love but then to be only fourteen…You did an amazing job with building the imagery and engaging your audience more with every line. I don’t think any part is quite as powerful as saying her eyes bled tears. Poignant.

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  24. scrbwly says:

    sad story…
    well told 😐

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  25. Nan Falkner says:

    The old geezer has corrugated skin? Yuck and she is only 14. He should be ashamed of himself for taking a fair maiden. Oh well, it’s done all over the world every day people say – but that still doesn’t make it right! Very good story and the descriptions are excellent! Nan 🙂

    Like

  26. rgayer55 says:

    That last like was a heartbreaker. Very well written and evoked a lot of emotion. Well done.

    Like

  27. I was wondering when “those” wifely duties were going to appear. Good story

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  28. plaridel says:

    a sad story that happens all too often somewhere in this world.

    Like

  29. This is really moving.

    Like

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