Deceit

Posted: September 10, 2014 in Friday Fictioneers
Tags: , , , ,

Once again, Wednesday has rolled around. With some bits of fussing and fact checking, I have come up with a 102 word story for FF.

Copyright - Janet Webb

The tinkle of glasses. Laughter. Music. Charleston – her favorite.
And candlelight everywhere.
A splash in the pool.
Daisy checks her plum lipstick once, twice, again. Perfect.
Hair? More than perfect.
Still – she slides her hands over the exaggerated blonde finger waves.
Just to make sure.
A rap on the door. “Coming, baby?” It’s Tom.
Beads rustling like wind in bamboo, she turns around, looks at her
exquisite rump beneath the rose colored dress.
The V-cut in the back is almost too low. Almost.
She opens the door. Ignores her husband.
Glides across the seat of the yellow car.
Bright with nickel.

Advertisements
Comments
  1. Sandra says:

    Rich in imagery. Really liked this. A wrap on the door though?

    Like

  2. Oh, lovely Gatsby story. So vivid. Thoroughly enjoyed it 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Rachel. Thanks for reading and commenting. Somehow the mirror, the red in the card, and the small lights in the window made me think “Lipstick” and “Ladies Restroom” which somehow led to Daisy.

      Like

  3. Gatsby sprang to my mind, too, as soon as I started reading and got to Daisy. If you want an extra word, “candlelight” is really one word. As Sandra said, you drew a vivid picture.

    janet

    Like

  4. Of course it’s one word! Like a told Sandra, today I feel like English is truly my second language. Thanks so much for reading and commenting and, yes, correcting! Alicia

    Like

  5. Elizabeth says:

    Nice, she is a confident lady!

    Like

  6. draliman says:

    I love that era, and you painted it beautifully!

    Like

  7. Thank you! Although I could picture much of it, I had to look up colors of lipstick, clothing and the name for the hairstyle that was a bit softer than the marcel. Thank you for appreciating the era of my tale.

    Like

  8. Sorchia D says:

    Daisy, you vixen! Lovely–I can hear the music and smell the decadence.

    Like

  9. Such a sad story.. Daisy knew here lure for sure.. poor Tom

    Like

  10. Love the imagery here…sad for Tom though…like the way you write!

    Like

  11. Dear Alicia,

    Daisy seems to have a high opinion of herself and her exquisite rump, doesn’t she? And not much conscience either. Well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    PS I fixed ‘deceit’ in your link. Personally I prefer just putting my name in that slot and leave the title to my page. 😉

    Like

    • Daisy does like herself rather much. Thanks for fixing the misspelling. I never thought about just putting my name there. The title pops up when I had my link and I leave it! Good suggestion. Have a great day.

      Like

  12. Such a beautifully painted picture rich with details.

    Like

  13. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Alicia,

    I love the wind in bamboo line. A well crafted tale. Atmospheric and compelling.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Like

  14. calipatti says:

    Loved your words. It was quite sensual to me.

    Like

  15. love this one, Alicia. Descriptive and real– who hasn’t had those moments in front of the dreaded mirror. Fortunately, fewer of us slip past our husbands to sneak off. Yowza!

    Like

  16. rgayer55 says:

    I lost focus when we got to the part about her exquisite rump and plunging V-cut. Can I follow her to the car?

    Like

  17. Sarah Ann says:

    Beautiful descriptions and so much sound. You took us back and I could see that dress and I covet one (and the rump too probably).

    Like

  18. hafong says:

    It’s poetic and lyrical – your descriptions. I can almost see Robert Redford in a white suit sitting by the pool with a glass of champayne.

    Lily

    Like

  19. Alicia, Vivid and lovely description. I could see it happening in color. Well written. 🙂 —Susan

    Like

  20. benmc47 says:

    Really brought out a tremendous amount of imagery in very few words. Impressive

    Like

  21. margirene says:

    I love the book and the film. You’ve captured the essence nicely. Enjoyable.

    Like

  22. Beautifully detailed story, rich with atmosphere and decadence. This woman is pure selfishness. Her poor husband!

    Like

  23. I can see, touch, smell, hear and taste her. Wonderful.

    Like

  24. Nan Falkner says:

    Dear Alicia, I never liked Daisy – she is the essence of excess and selfishness. Well, otherwise, she is beautiful, but knows it. If you ever really needed a friend – don’t rap on her door! Very well written!
    Nan 🙂

    Like

  25. Dee says:

    I too thought Gatsby when I read this very entertaining piece. Great imagery Alicia, well done

    Like

  26. Alice Audrey says:

    Seems like she’s in love with herself.

    Like

  27. Blake says:

    It strikes me that you rather enjoyed twisting the knife in the beautifully exposed back of this poor, misjudged girl 😉

    You realised the entire scene so enjoyably and vividly – my particular favourite line being: “Beads rustling like wind in bamboo,” which is just wonderful.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s