Posted: September 10, 2014 in Friday Fictioneers
Tags: , , , ,

Once again, Wednesday has rolled around. With some bits of fussing and fact checking, I have come up with a 102 word story for FF.

Copyright - Janet Webb

The tinkle of glasses. Laughter. Music. Charleston – her favorite.
And candlelight everywhere.
A splash in the pool.
Daisy checks her plum lipstick once, twice, again. Perfect.
Hair? More than perfect.
Still – she slides her hands over the exaggerated blonde finger waves.
Just to make sure.
A rap on the door. “Coming, baby?” It’s Tom.
Beads rustling like wind in bamboo, she turns around, looks at her
exquisite rump beneath the rose colored dress.
The V-cut in the back is almost too low. Almost.
She opens the door. Ignores her husband.
Glides across the seat of the yellow car.
Bright with nickel.

  1. Sandra says:

    Rich in imagery. Really liked this. A wrap on the door though?


  2. Oh, lovely Gatsby story. So vivid. Thoroughly enjoyed it 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Rachel. Thanks for reading and commenting. Somehow the mirror, the red in the card, and the small lights in the window made me think “Lipstick” and “Ladies Restroom” which somehow led to Daisy.


  3. Gatsby sprang to my mind, too, as soon as I started reading and got to Daisy. If you want an extra word, “candlelight” is really one word. As Sandra said, you drew a vivid picture.



  4. Of course it’s one word! Like a told Sandra, today I feel like English is truly my second language. Thanks so much for reading and commenting and, yes, correcting! Alicia


  5. Elizabeth says:

    Nice, she is a confident lady!


  6. draliman says:

    I love that era, and you painted it beautifully!


  7. Thank you! Although I could picture much of it, I had to look up colors of lipstick, clothing and the name for the hairstyle that was a bit softer than the marcel. Thank you for appreciating the era of my tale.


  8. Sorchia D says:

    Daisy, you vixen! Lovely–I can hear the music and smell the decadence.


  9. Such a sad story.. Daisy knew here lure for sure.. poor Tom


  10. Love the imagery here…sad for Tom though…like the way you write!


  11. Dear Alicia,

    Daisy seems to have a high opinion of herself and her exquisite rump, doesn’t she? And not much conscience either. Well done.



    PS I fixed ‘deceit’ in your link. Personally I prefer just putting my name in that slot and leave the title to my page. 😉


    • Daisy does like herself rather much. Thanks for fixing the misspelling. I never thought about just putting my name there. The title pops up when I had my link and I leave it! Good suggestion. Have a great day.


  12. Such a beautifully painted picture rich with details.


  13. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Alicia,

    I love the wind in bamboo line. A well crafted tale. Atmospheric and compelling.




  14. calipatti says:

    Loved your words. It was quite sensual to me.


  15. love this one, Alicia. Descriptive and real– who hasn’t had those moments in front of the dreaded mirror. Fortunately, fewer of us slip past our husbands to sneak off. Yowza!


  16. rgayer55 says:

    I lost focus when we got to the part about her exquisite rump and plunging V-cut. Can I follow her to the car?


  17. Sarah Ann says:

    Beautiful descriptions and so much sound. You took us back and I could see that dress and I covet one (and the rump too probably).


  18. hafong says:

    It’s poetic and lyrical – your descriptions. I can almost see Robert Redford in a white suit sitting by the pool with a glass of champayne.



  19. Alicia, Vivid and lovely description. I could see it happening in color. Well written. 🙂 —Susan


  20. benmc47 says:

    Really brought out a tremendous amount of imagery in very few words. Impressive


  21. margirene says:

    I love the book and the film. You’ve captured the essence nicely. Enjoyable.


  22. Beautifully detailed story, rich with atmosphere and decadence. This woman is pure selfishness. Her poor husband!


  23. I can see, touch, smell, hear and taste her. Wonderful.


  24. Nan Falkner says:

    Dear Alicia, I never liked Daisy – she is the essence of excess and selfishness. Well, otherwise, she is beautiful, but knows it. If you ever really needed a friend – don’t rap on her door! Very well written!
    Nan 🙂


  25. Dee says:

    I too thought Gatsby when I read this very entertaining piece. Great imagery Alicia, well done


  26. Alice Audrey says:

    Seems like she’s in love with herself.


  27. Blake says:

    It strikes me that you rather enjoyed twisting the knife in the beautifully exposed back of this poor, misjudged girl 😉

    You realised the entire scene so enjoyably and vividly – my particular favourite line being: “Beads rustling like wind in bamboo,” which is just wonderful.


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