Their Story

Posted: October 22, 2014 in Friday Fictioneers
Tags: , , , , , ,

PHOTO PROMPT Copyright- The Reclining Gentleman

Let’s say we have a man and a woman. Let’s say they’re in a boat. Let’s put the boat in a lake.
He wraps an arm around her. She leans into his shoulder, kisses him and says, “Love you.”
Oh, I know it can go another way.
Maybe she doesn’t want the arm there. You can tell because she pulls away.
Maybe she’s waiting to tell him, “I’m pregnant.” or “I’m leaving.”
But I’m telling you it goes the first way.
Maybe they remove their clothes,
make love with swans floating around them. Hokey, I know.
But this is their story, not mine.

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Comments
  1. I like the tone.. the way to speculate.. I feel like it’s about finding happiness someplace.. the voice of the observer…

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  2. yarnspinnerr says:

    A wonderfully open story that tells all. Loved the last line.

    Like

  3. Love the authoritative voice of the narrator. And a gentle love story it is.

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  4. Margaret says:

    Their story or your story. It’s a kind of symbiosis I think. It’s an exciting process, whoever gets the rudder at the end. I love your/their story either way.
    Marg

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  5. I agree with Bjorn. Nice tone. Even great tone.
    But what do I know. it’s your tone, not mine.
    Could have gone either way. especially because I’m tone deaf.
    But it didn’t, did it?

    Randy

    Like

  6. Sandra says:

    I loved the style of this. Really well done.

    Like

  7. This is great. It’s really unusual to bring the authorial voice into a piece. Sometimes I feel like that when I’m writing – ‘Oh, my character needs to sit down. Here’s a chair then.’ We’re creating worlds, and the options are limitless.

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  8. draliman says:

    Sweet, and I love the conversational way you wrote it.

    Like

  9. Dear Alicia,

    Let’s say I read your story, which I did. And then let’s say I smiled. I did. We could also say that I enjoyed your story. And I did.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

  10. Interesting narration. What a novel idea! Well done.

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  11. I love the pacing of this. Good job.

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  12. Your experimentation worked a treat, Alicia. I enjoyed it very much. Especially how you play in the open with a writers’ concerns: whose story is it, the writer’s or the character’s, and who has control? who decides how it ends up?

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  13. Maree Gallop says:

    Interesting and good read. You hooked me in from the start. I like the play on perspectives and parallels. Well done!

    Like

  14. Alicia, congratulations on a style I haven’t seen on FF before and you pulled it off wonderfully.

    janet

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  15. Oh that worked so well! 😀 Fun 🙂

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  16. I really like the style, you voiced it so well.

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  17. Amy Reese says:

    And everyone has a story to tell. I wonder if your narrator is watching a couple as she thinks this. I like the naked part with the swans floating around. That part has my vote. 🙂

    Like

  18. rgayer55 says:

    I tried reading this in a Humphrey Bogart voice and it works really well. A very clever presentation. Here’s lookin’ at you, kid.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Elizabeth says:

    You had me laughing now, many ends for this story!

    Like

  20. Alicia, This was a new style for you but it seems to have worked well. I hope it was dark or they were behind some bushes. 😀 I seem to have a practical mind. Well written. 🙂 — Susan

    Like

  21. wildbilbo says:

    Everyone makes own story. Nicely written.

    Like

  22. Sarah Ann says:

    Absolutely love your approach this week – the complete opposite of the omnipotent author. Now let’s imagine, after they’ve made love he tells her he’s leaving and in her anger she pushes him out of the boat. Up to you whether he can swim or not. (Sorry for playing, I’ve got carried away with this idea.)

    Like

  23. Nan Falkner says:

    Dear Alicia, I love this story! Excellent! I’ve never written in this style – but it is not only clever – it works! You are awesome! Thanks, Nan 🙂

    Like

  24. Melanie says:

    I just adore this, the style, the tone, the story, all of it.

    Like

  25. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Alicia,

    Making love with the swans around them. Very nice. This was a well told tale with a unique POV and I loved it. Take my word for it.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Like

  26. Blake says:

    An interesting approach – it makes you curious about the narrator: an observer, a writer, a supernatural being…? Without the word limit you might’ve resolved that for us 😉

    Like

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