Me and Scruffs been followin’ them ladies for days,
tryin’ to decide if we should catch up
or head off on our own.
Daddy told me to, “Git and don’t come back.”
I packed me some apples, loaf of bread and got.
Been sleepin’ under the stars.
Better n’ sleepin’ under Daddy’s ratty old roof
waitin’ for him to come into my room
after Momma goes to sleep.
Once, Scruffs got after Daddy.
Bit him on his naked behind.
I laughed
’til Daddy pulled out ol’ Scruffs’ teeth.
Then I cried.
Someday we’ll have our own roof.
Fer now we’ll just follow them ladies.
I loved the voice of this.
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Thanks!
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Poor Scruffs, poor kid. Sounds like they’re better off out on their own.
I loved the accent you used… it really gave the piece character.
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Thanks for reading and commenting, Rachel.
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So sad a tale. A good future for them both.
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I sure hope so. Maybe those ladies will take her in – I’m hoping! Thanks for reading.
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The dialogue and use of an accent is great. They are better off without him.
May I ask why are they only following the ladies and not making contact?
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I thought that same thing after I posted this. I think that, although she’s hoping not to be noticed, she deeply wants them to see her and invite her to join them. Thanks so much for wondering.
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Francesca – I made a change per your question and my doubt. Hope it works.
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My heart hurts…but not nearly enough as the narrator’s and Scuffs’ at such a betrayal. I hope they come out on the loving side.
janet
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Me, too. I hope the ladies find her and Scruffs and take them in. Thanks for reading and commenting. Alicia
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Wow, we are quote similar this week. Except that accent..perfect!
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Thanks, Dawn. May our girls escape for good.
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sad story. i could only wish them well.
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Thanks! Me, too.
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The voice is very convincing in this, and the picture of the naked behind… well it drew a lot more laughs than him taking the dog’s teeth out. A clever balance of humour and horror here. Well done.
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Thanks, I think the girl has a lot going for her in the humor department
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What a voice, what a tragic story. Well delivered, I wish for happy days for both of them.
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So do I. Thank you for reading and commenting.
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Poor narrator and Scruffs. No matter what happens I think they’re better off out of it, they seem to be doing okay.
Great dialect!
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Thanks, I’ve been toying with the dialect in my writing practice group. It’s getting better. Glad you appreciated it.
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Dear Alicia,
The image of Daddy pulling out Scruff’s teeth just made me ache. In fact the whole story is so well done it made me ache and applaud at the same time. Brava!
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks, Rochelle, I think a lot of kids suffer at the hands of their parents. (Apparently I think dogs do, too.)
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Dear Alicia,
A very poignant and well written story. The voice is perfect and reminded me of Scout, from To Kill a Mockingbird. This one will stay ion my mind for a long time.
Aloha,
Doug
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Thank you, Doug. I need to revisit To Kill a Mockingbird one day. What a glorious story that is. Appreciate your commenting and welcome back from wherever you’ve been.
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Doug, have you been submitting stories the last few weeks? I haven’t been able to find them. Perhaps I’m going weak in the head.
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Very good picaresque story. I’d like to hear some of their adventures with Scruffs savagely gumming any bad guys that they run into!
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Ha! I thought about having the narrator pack a can of mushy dog food for poor old Scruffs, but I ran out of word count. Thanks for your fun-filled comment, Perry.
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Very poignant. I love the first person voice of the child. I hope he connects with the women he’s following!
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Thank you! I was think gypsies the whole time I wrote this. 100 words kinda’ put the kibosh on that – maybe more to come.
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Great characterisation through the speech patterns and voice here. Nice work.
KT
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Thanks. I’m glad it worked.
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You got that girl-child’s voice perfectly. Well written – it was worth tracking you down from ‘Anonymous’ on my blog to ‘Alicia’ on yours, and you’re right – our minds were obviously in tune this week.
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Thanks, Liz, for taking the time to track me down. Depending on which computer I use and which search engine I’m in it’s either easy or difficult to add my wordpress address so often I use anonymous. I appreciate your commenting.
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This picture seems to have raised up some interesting accents in our writers as well as sexual predator themes.
Liked your entry. Randy
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It sure did – interesting, yes?
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Nice use of the whole scene. I hope the girl finds a home.
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Thank you, Joseph. It took awhile to see the people way up front.
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Your story reminds me of what Churchill said: “If you are going through hell, keep going.” Hopefully there re met by good in the end!
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What a great quote! Thanks for sharing.
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I loved the voice as well, Alicia. Great story telling. It could easily be expanded into a YA novel.
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Russell, what a wonderful thought. Thanks.
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A wonderful voice .. and a very sad tale.. at lease she is rid of dad.. hope they make it in the end.
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Yep, Dad was a very mean guy. Thanks, Bjorn, I’m always pleased when you stop by.
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I think they’ll be better off with the ladies. Daddy was mean to pull out teeth. Sleeping under the stars doesn’t sound so bad, compared to that. Great characterization, Alicia.
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Thanks, Amy! As long as the weather stays nice, sleeping under the stars should be wonderful.
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Wonderful voice, Alicia. I love the movement forward of this piece. Beautiful!
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Thank you, Dawn. And thanks for the cool picture. It elicited some great stories.
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I felt the journey in this piece.
It seems that no one let this kid be just a kid this week. Lots of tragedy for this little girl on FF. And I killed her dog.
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So true. Too bad she wasn’t just out on a lark! Thanks for reading….
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This is excellent, Alicia. I love the style and the voice you’ve used. It’s a tragic tale of an abused but brave young girl: the father deserved far more than a bite on the backside! Poor Scruff suffered tor his actions too. I hope they find the ‘roof ‘they’re looking for. 🙂
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Wow! Thanks for reading and leaving such a lovely comment
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You are an excellent writer! 🙂
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Great voice. Her character comes through really strongly. She sounds like a survivor – she’s got a plan, and she’s got Scruffs. Wonderful story.
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Thank you, Margaret. I think she’s a tough little thing and will make it quite nicely.
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