The Interrupted Promise

Posted: March 25, 2015 in Friday Fictioneers
Tags: , , ,

PHOTO PROMPT ©David Stewart

Sitting alone, listening to umpa music, wasn’t what Rolando had planned.
The night was to be full of adventure, excitement, freedom. And flight.
Yes, he and Fastina were escaping this tiny town full of prejudice.
Returning to Mexico where people ate tortillas stuffed with chicken mole
while listening to mariachi music. And dancing.
Fastina’s father had shouted, “No!” Rolando’s mother? She cried.
Still, the couple packed their bags – hid them by the gazebo.
So where was Fastina? She promised to meet him at 10:00.

Fastina screamed Rolando’s name as five enormous white men
watched another rip the buttons off her blouse.

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Comments
  1. ansumani says:

    Sad story…Given an allowance of another 100 words ..can the story change to a happy ending please 🙂

    Like

  2. Wow, definitely wasn’t expecting that twist. Not sure what was going on with her, but has me super worried!

    Like

  3. I want a happy ending, not five enormous white men! Or could you at least lower it to two white guys?

    Like

    • She’s just a tiny Mexican gal. All white guys seem enormous to her…. sorry, Perry. My husband told me all my stories have been dark lately. Maybe I’ll perk-it-up next week. Thanks for reading and wishing.

      Like

  4. Such a tragedy. Beautiful story with such an ugly ending but isn’t that how it goes sometimes?

    Like

  5. Oh that’s terrible! I was hoping for a different ending. But well done on stirring up so much emotion in only 100 words!! Great writing!

    Like

  6. Francesca Smith says:

    Wow, that is quite an ending…
    So much going in in so few words.

    Like

  7. Oh no! I hope he hears her!

    Like

  8. Nan Falkner says:

    Dear Alicia, What a story and so very sad. I hope something stops them but that would be unrealistic. Poor girl – Rolando is waiting and she’s being raped. Horrific story but it does happen a lot. There are bigots everywhere and for some reason, they keep being born. Well done. Nan

    Like

  9. micklively says:

    Shocked but not surprised. Good piece.

    Like

  10. draliman says:

    That was quite a shock ending. All their plans shattered in an instant of violence and Rolando sitting there oblivious, wondering if she’d changed her mind.
    Great story!

    Like

  11. rgayer55 says:

    You certainly jerked the rug out from under my feet with this one, Alicia. Sometimes a writer has to do that to keep the audience on their toes. A well written piece. I can still see the video in my mind.

    Like

  12. Margaret says:

    What a tragic ending. They were so close to happiness. I love the details of family and Rolando’s dreams of their new life in Mexico. They provide such a contrast to the brutal and shocking ending.

    Like

  13. Liz Young says:

    No! That was a truly shocking denoument.

    Like

  14. plaridel says:

    it didn’t have to end that way. darn, but it did. 😦

    Like

  15. I was totally absorbed in this youthful love story, rooting for Rolando and Fastina. The jarring ending yanked me to an entirely different place. Very effective shock, Alicia!

    Like

  16. Dear Alicia,

    There’s not much I can add to other comments. You told a lot of story in your hundred words. Jarringly well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

  17. Dale says:

    Oh! So not how I wanted it to end! Great job…

    Like

  18. An extremely sad and worrying end..

    Like

  19. Jan Brown says:

    No wonder they want to escape the town. I hope Rolando finds her in time to save her life.

    Your husband is right; this is a very dark twist ending!

    Like

  20. That was a real cliffhanger. Now is the time for a hero to two to come to the rescue. Good realistic drama, Alicia. Well done. 🙂 — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

  21. milliethom says:

    A very unexpected ending, and a very worrying one at that. I’m not sure whether you intend to continue the story, Alicia, but I, for one, would love to know what happened and whether Fastina is rescued from this attack. If this is the ending, it is incredibly sad. Very well written throughout.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. I don’t know if I will continue the story or not. Many people have expressed an interest in a happier ending . Maybe if next weeks prompt inspires, I will see what I can do for Fastina. Thanks so much for wishing her well. Alicia

      Liked by 1 person

  22. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Alicia,

    You had me primed and ready for a sweet, happy ending. Nice bait and switch. I became involved with your characters and now I’m angry with myself. That’s the sign of good writing.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Like

  23. A shocking and surprising ending to a romantic tale of escape, Well done

    Like

  24. Alice Audrey says:

    How awful. If only he could hear her.

    Like

  25. MissTiffany says:

    Oh man…I wasn’t expecting that ending. How horrible! Hoping for someone to show up and help her out.

    Like

  26. adamjasonp says:

    This story got dark fast.

    Like

  27. Ellespeth says:

    Heart breaker…I hope their dream can still come true.

    The writing flows perfectly for this piece. I can hear the music, too.
    Ellespeth

    Like

  28. A powerful story with a jarring ending. I want to knwo more. I want to read more. Is there more?
    Oh my, this is very well written. 😎

    Like

  29. wildbilbo says:

    Ok, I don’t feel entirely comfortable ‘liking’ this story… But I do like its devastating power (that last sentence is a brutal turnaround for a person lulled by your romantic lead in) and the skill with which it was told.
    KT

    Like

  30. Such a powerfull ending…don’t apologize for going dark, these horrific things need to be voiced, not kept in the darkness. Great job!

    Liked by 1 person

  31. All those hopes dashed so tragically, with such a bleak contrast between the opening and the close of that piece. So true to life, too, sadly. Well written.

    Like

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