Posted: January 20, 2016 in Friday Fictioneers

Another Wednesday, another story. Thanks to Jan W. Fields for the thought provoking photo prompt. I will put in a warning about language use in my story, but I felt Hettie needed to tell it like it is.


Hettie slumped on the stool, back pressed against the spinet until her bones ached. The night’s music and laughter jangled in her head, the scent of spilled whiskey stung her nose. Her feet hurt; her heart was shattered.

The open trunk beside Hettie displayed all she had packed for her escape from a life she loathed – one dress, ratty shoes, a broken comb. Mr. Tippins had promised to take her away, said he loved her and the child she carried. Liar.

Hettie hoisted herself off the stool and picked up the mop. “No white man’s son gonna’ love no nigger black as me.”

  1. Dear Alicia,

    I love where you went with the photo. You’re right, sometimes the language has to be strong to convey the message and it also defines the time frame in few words. Well done.



    Liked by 2 people

  2. Sandra says:

    Realistically done, Alicia. Good job.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love Hettie! So well developed for the word count.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Joy Pixley says:

    Oo, I like where you went with this, too! Starting out with sad heartbreak and banging it double down with the last line. Nice that you incorporated the trunk from the photo, too.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Amy Reese says:

    Wonderful, Alicia. The details are just right for what you’re depicting. The language at the end wasn’t shocking within the context of your story. Well done!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. plaridel says:

    sad story. a lesson learned too late.


  7. ansumani says:

    The story was realistic and the language was needed to make it real. Well done tale.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Oh noo.
    I dislike broken promises, 😢
    people shouldn’t do that.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. That’s a hard hitting piece. Don’t believe the man. And get away to, somewhere, something else.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Oh that is how offensive language should be used… I think the way you can break promises with some and not with other is really the important thing… It’s like both breaking and crushing a heart. It’s rightful anger and sadness at the same time… wheew.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Well, that surprised me, I thought she was a socialite. I hope she sticks the mop up somebody’s behind, pardon my language!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Good one Alicia, the language was perfect.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. draliman says:

    A shattered heart. I wanted to include the trunk as well but couldn’t figure out how! It needed the language in the last line to properly convey the message, it made your story all the more powerful.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Dale says:

    Well done, Alicia. So much told in so few words…

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Wow! Honest, raw and right on!


  16. What a great, deep characterization in so few words. Masterfully done, Alicia.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. gahlearner says:

    Very powerful. The voice is great, and the way the story moves towards the last line, and then *wham*.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Checkii says:

    This is a very raw and powerful statement. I enjoyed reading this.


  19. Margaret says:

    Powerful story! I love how you set a false trail until the end. Great touches – her fatigue, her things packed ready to leave, and then the mop and the turn around at the end. Great.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. This was realistic for the time period. Her language is probably exactly what she’d say under the circumstances. Well done, Alicia. — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

  21. I feel so sorry that Hettie had to deal with a (sorry to use the word) jerk like that jilter of hers! What a powerfully sad story!

    Liked by 1 person

  22. wildbilbo says:

    Brutal story here – the heartbreak, the racism…really well told.

    Liked by 1 person

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