Another Wednesday, another story. Thanks to Jan W. Fields for the thought provoking photo prompt. I will put in a warning about language use in my story, but I felt Hettie needed to tell it like it is.
Hettie slumped on the stool, back pressed against the spinet until her bones ached. The night’s music and laughter jangled in her head, the scent of spilled whiskey stung her nose. Her feet hurt; her heart was shattered.
The open trunk beside Hettie displayed all she had packed for her escape from a life she loathed – one dress, ratty shoes, a broken comb. Mr. Tippins had promised to take her away, said he loved her and the child she carried. Liar.
Hettie hoisted herself off the stool and picked up the mop. “No white man’s son gonna’ love no nigger black as me.”
Up From the Ashes 
Dear Alicia,
I love where you went with the photo. You’re right, sometimes the language has to be strong to convey the message and it also defines the time frame in few words. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks, Rochelle. I thought I might get way with using none PC language because of the time I wanted to portray. Thanks for verifying that. Alicia
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Realistically done, Alicia. Good job.
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Thank you, Sandra.
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I love Hettie! So well developed for the word count.
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Thanks! I think Hettie has a lot going for her. She sees the world like it. Appreciate your reading and commenting. Alicia
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Oo, I like where you went with this, too! Starting out with sad heartbreak and banging it double down with the last line. Nice that you incorporated the trunk from the photo, too.
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Thanks. I tried to work the candelabra in, too. Turned out it was definitely one too many objects. I’m glad you liked my story. Alicia
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Wonderful, Alicia. The details are just right for what you’re depicting. The language at the end wasn’t shocking within the context of your story. Well done!
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Thanks, Amy. I didn’t think it was horrifically bad, just didn’t want to surprise anyone. Glad you liked the details. Alicia
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sad story. a lesson learned too late.
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The story was realistic and the language was needed to make it real. Well done tale.
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Thanks very much. I’m glad you found the story realistic.
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Oh noo.
I dislike broken promises, 😢
people shouldn’t do that.
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I agree whole heartedly. Thanks for reading
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That’s a hard hitting piece. Don’t believe the man. And get away to, somewhere, something else.
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Maybe she should take what she’s packed and walk out the door but I fear black slaves couldn’t do that easily. Thanks for reading and rooting for Hettie.
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Oh that is how offensive language should be used… I think the way you can break promises with some and not with other is really the important thing… It’s like both breaking and crushing a heart. It’s rightful anger and sadness at the same time… wheew.
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People are strange beasts, that’s for sure. Thanks for reading, Bjorn.
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Well, that surprised me, I thought she was a socialite. I hope she sticks the mop up somebody’s behind, pardon my language!
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Heck, your language fits the story just right. Thanks, Perry
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Good one Alicia, the language was perfect.
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Thanks, Dawn
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A shattered heart. I wanted to include the trunk as well but couldn’t figure out how! It needed the language in the last line to properly convey the message, it made your story all the more powerful.
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Thank you. I liked the box, especially with it being open. Makes one want to know what’s inside.
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Well done, Alicia. So much told in so few words…
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I appreciate that, Dale.
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Wow! Honest, raw and right on!
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Thank you for stopping by and commenting. I truly appreciate it.
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My pleasure.
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What a great, deep characterization in so few words. Masterfully done, Alicia.
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Wowzers, thanks for such a kind comment.
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Very powerful. The voice is great, and the way the story moves towards the last line, and then *wham*.
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Yeah, I think poor Hettie got whammed all right. But she’ll make it…. Thanks for always stopping by.
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This is a very raw and powerful statement. I enjoyed reading this.
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Thank you, Alicia
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Powerful story! I love how you set a false trail until the end. Great touches – her fatigue, her things packed ready to leave, and then the mop and the turn around at the end. Great.
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Thanks so very much, Margaret. I love the idea of a false trail.
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This was realistic for the time period. Her language is probably exactly what she’d say under the circumstances. Well done, Alicia. — Suzanne
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Thanks, Suzanne
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I feel so sorry that Hettie had to deal with a (sorry to use the word) jerk like that jilter of hers! What a powerfully sad story!
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Poor Hettie and a million others. Thanks so much.
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Brutal story here – the heartbreak, the racism…really well told.
KT
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KT, thanks so much for stopping by to read about Hettie. I appreciate it.
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