Failed Rescue

Posted: March 16, 2016 in Friday Fictioneers
Tags: , , , ,

The jpg name of this thought-provoking picture is Antiques Along the Mohawk, making this week’s prompt twice as interesting. Thanks to Rochelle for taking the picture and posting it for the Friday Fictioneers writing prompt. Below is my 100 word submission.

antiques-along-the-mohawk

10:32 p.m. – The sound of warning bells rolls across the water. Sybil wakes.
10:33 p.m. – She rises, draws on her blue velvet robe and peers through the grease-coated window of her prison, sees nothing but the light of the full moon sparking off the waves. She waits.
10:59 p.m. – Two ships, one large, one small sail around the bend, skysails snapping.
11:06 p.m. – Without hesitation the yellow guardsmen split the night with shouts and cannonballs, smoke and ash and fear.
11:35 p.m. – Tears glisten on Sybil’s cheeks as she watches both ships sink below the surface, dragging her Daniel to the bottom of the sea.

//static.inlinkz.com/cs2.js?v=116

Advertisements
Comments
  1. Dear Alicia,

    Usually I remove those titles so they don’t influence the writer. Oops. Well done. I like the time stamps on the action.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love the sense of ‘what’s going to happen’ here, Alicia.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. mickwynn2013 says:

    Nicely written desperation of Sybil having to watch her Daniel dragged down

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It takes so short time to change a sliver of hope to despair deeper than it was before… sinking in more ways than one.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I like the use of time here; goes with the clock on the windowsill.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Shades of sadness with great writing,

    Like

  7. Well, too bad. Hope she’s in for something serious, I won’t feel so bad for her and poor Daniel.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. liz young says:

    I have never thought of enlarging the photo! The sense of impening doom is enhanced by your ‘countdown’.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Sandra says:

    This had a dream like quality to it, as though it were a recurring nightmare. Great take on the prompt.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. A rescue mission and dreams gone down the drain all in a few seconds.
    Reality at it’s worst.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. draliman says:

    Very sad. Hope turned to despair in an instant. I loved the timeline format!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. gahlearner says:

    There is a lot unsaid in this story, that makes it very intriguing. I too love the timeline, it gives the story a special mood.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Vivid imagery. Great piece.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. wildchild47 says:

    Powerfully evocative and well written. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  15. plaridel says:

    i wonder if daniel was trying to save her. i should ask him, but he’s already dead. by the way, i liked the way you wrote this story. very effective.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. emmylgant says:

    Sometimes life changes in a blink (or ten minutes). You really captured that well.

    Like

  17. Amy Reese says:

    That is one intense, horrible hour that Sybil had to go through and then to have to watch a sinking ship. The time stamps give the story an even greater sense of urgency. Well done, Alicia.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. wmqcolby says:

    Teee-RIFFIC! The time lock is always a good device. We get immediacy but we also get some character buildup as well. Super!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Very terse, very dramatic, very moving. Well-told, Alicia! I like the structure of it, as well. Lovely use of the clock as a physical (and possibly symbolic) motif.

    Like

  20. erinleary says:

    Sad ending to a gripping story. It made me think of a different world somehow. Nicely done!

    Liked by 1 person

  21. subroto says:

    An effective timeline transitioning from hope to despair.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Margaret says:

    I love how you’ve built this – the minutes passing – so few of them, really, but such a big loss for her as she watches the battle. Sad. Great interpretation of the prompt.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. How sad. There went her last hope of freedom. Great description. Well done, Alicia. — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

  24. jellico84 says:

    Oh, the timeline style works perfectly for this. Really thought this story was very interesting. With hope so close, and then lost… .good take on the prompt!

    Like

  25. Dear Alicia,
    I’ve been missing you over at FF. Are you okay? I couldn’t find a contact form, so I’m sending you a message this way.
    Cheers,
    Vijaya

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s