The jpg name of this thought-provoking picture is Antiques Along the Mohawk, making this week’s prompt twice as interesting. Thanks to Rochelle for taking the picture and posting it for the Friday Fictioneers writing prompt. Below is my 100 word submission.
10:32 p.m. – The sound of warning bells rolls across the water. Sybil wakes.
10:33 p.m. – She rises, draws on her blue velvet robe and peers through the grease-coated window of her prison, sees nothing but the light of the full moon sparking off the waves. She waits.
10:59 p.m. – Two ships, one large, one small sail around the bend, skysails snapping.
11:06 p.m. – Without hesitation the yellow guardsmen split the night with shouts and cannonballs, smoke and ash and fear.
11:35 p.m. – Tears glisten on Sybil’s cheeks as she watches both ships sink below the surface, dragging her Daniel to the bottom of the sea.
Dear Alicia,
Usually I remove those titles so they don’t influence the writer. Oops. Well done. I like the time stamps on the action.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks, Rochelle. I didn’t even notice the title until I was done with my story. Didn’t influence me one bit. No worries.
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I love the sense of ‘what’s going to happen’ here, Alicia.
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Thank you.
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Nicely written desperation of Sybil having to watch her Daniel dragged down
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Thanks. I started with the clock and time sequence and had no idea where the story was headed. Glad it worked.
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It takes so short time to change a sliver of hope to despair deeper than it was before… sinking in more ways than one.
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Yeah, shoot first, ask questions later sort of scenario. Thanks, Bjorn.
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I like the use of time here; goes with the clock on the windowsill.
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When I enlarged the picture, that was the first thing I saw. And the yellow chairs across the water – therefore the yellow guard. Thanks for reading and commenting, Claire.
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Shades of sadness with great writing,
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What a lovely thing to say. Thanks.
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So sad!
Good writing.
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Thanks, Dawn.
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Well, too bad. Hope she’s in for something serious, I won’t feel so bad for her and poor Daniel.
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Your guess is as good as mine, Perry!
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I have never thought of enlarging the photo! The sense of impening doom is enhanced by your ‘countdown’.
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Thank you. I tried to be fairly realistic about the time frame, but who knows how quickly a ship sails. (Probably Sandra does.)
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This had a dream like quality to it, as though it were a recurring nightmare. Great take on the prompt.
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Thanks so very much, Sandra
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A rescue mission and dreams gone down the drain all in a few seconds.
Reality at it’s worst.
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Yes. Sometimes reality isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Thanks for reading and commenting.
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Very sad. Hope turned to despair in an instant. I loved the timeline format!
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Thanks! The timeline was inspired by the clock. I looked closely at it and the time seemed to be just after 10:30.
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There is a lot unsaid in this story, that makes it very intriguing. I too love the timeline, it gives the story a special mood.
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Thanks. I had no idea it would work so well but am glad it did.
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Vivid imagery. Great piece.
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Thanks, Caerlynn. I’m glad you stopped by.
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Powerfully evocative and well written. 🙂
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Thank you.
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your welcome
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i wonder if daniel was trying to save her. i should ask him, but he’s already dead. by the way, i liked the way you wrote this story. very effective.
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No need to ask him. I’ll answer. Yes, he was trying to save her. Thanks for reading and commenting. I’m glad you liked the way the story is written.
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Sometimes life changes in a blink (or ten minutes). You really captured that well.
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Thank you very much. Alicia
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That is one intense, horrible hour that Sybil had to go through and then to have to watch a sinking ship. The time stamps give the story an even greater sense of urgency. Well done, Alicia.
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Thank you, Amy. Blame it on the clock!
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Teee-RIFFIC! The time lock is always a good device. We get immediacy but we also get some character buildup as well. Super!
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Thanks for the ve-rrr-y kind words. I truly appreciate your stopping by. Alicia (P.S. glad you’re back in the Friday Fictioneer saddle.
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Very terse, very dramatic, very moving. Well-told, Alicia! I like the structure of it, as well. Lovely use of the clock as a physical (and possibly symbolic) motif.
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Thank you, my dear.
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Sad ending to a gripping story. It made me think of a different world somehow. Nicely done!
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Thanks. That’s interesting that it made you think of a different world. The time period I had in mind was the 1700’s.
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An effective timeline transitioning from hope to despair.
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Thanks very much.
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I love how you’ve built this – the minutes passing – so few of them, really, but such a big loss for her as she watches the battle. Sad. Great interpretation of the prompt.
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Thank you so very much, Margaret. I always appreciate your reading and commenting on my stories. Alicia
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How sad. There went her last hope of freedom. Great description. Well done, Alicia. — Suzanne
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Thanks for reading and commenting. Your kind words always make my day. (But critiquing is always welcome, too.)
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Oh, the timeline style works perfectly for this. Really thought this story was very interesting. With hope so close, and then lost… .good take on the prompt!
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Thank you very much. Alicia
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Dear Alicia,
I’ve been missing you over at FF. Are you okay? I couldn’t find a contact form, so I’m sending you a message this way.
Cheers,
Vijaya
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