Wow!Rochelle has been our Friday Fictioneers Facilitator for four years and what a marvelous job she does.Today’s thought-provoking picture was provided by Peter Abbey. When I read my 100-word story to my husband, he said, ” Another dark one.” Maybe next week I’ll bend toward the lighter side. Thanks to all who read and comment on my submissions. I truly appreciate you all.
11:50 am
“Got to get home before me Em does.”
Samuel’s feet clattered across the wooden bridge.
His leggings were too hot, not because the day was warm,
it was only forty degrees, it was the panic, the need to reverse time.
“She not be cheatin’ on me! Lyin’ bitches!”
12:10 pm
“Em!” The oak door slammed against the wall.
Emily’s single porcelain dish tumbled from the shelf. Shattered.
“Em!” Samuel sprinted, room to room.
He found her hanging in the attic; note pinned to her bodice.
Beneath his words, “Be gone by noon.”
she’d penned, “Husband, I’ll have done what you be askin’.”
Chilling stuff, Alicia
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I’ve got to start looking on “The sunny side of life.” Thanks for reading.
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I tried giving Claire that suggestion. It didn’t work. We all write what we write
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I remember your comment to her. Ah, yes, we do write what we write. ; – )
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Very chilling indeed, and even though it has suspense from the first line, the end is still a surprise. Well done.
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Thanks very much, Sandra. I appreciate your stopping by. Alicia
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Nice writing, but I’m a bit confused. I’m sure it’s just me not getting it. I’m not sure who the liars are, what the story was, and why he wrote that note to her…
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Let me tweak it and see if I can make things more clear. Thanks for pointing that out, Clare.
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I’ve changed a couple of lines. Would you mind going back and reading them? Thanks!
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Powerful story and an unexpected shock at the end. Great writing.
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Thanks so very much. I’m always happy to have you stop by.
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I think whatever changes you made make the story make much more sense. The single porcelein dish is an extremely nice touch, both in terms of the imagery and what it tells us about them.
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Thanks, I hoped that would help tell part of Emily and Samuel’s story. I appreciate your stopping by to read and for leaving a comment.
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Lishy….Sent chills up my spine and also a frantic tension…you should really publish these…you could find your own pictures! Excellent!
Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android
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Thanks, Rea Ann. I had to tweak it several times to get it to read right. Claire Fuller helped me to see it wasn’t right the first time around. Love this writing group. Thanks for your uplifting comment.
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I was a little confused at first too (the lying bitches section) but reread and now I get it. I thought at first he was calling his wife a bitch. Anyway, a suitably chilling tale for Halloween – I wonder if she’ll haunt him.
Great stuff Alicia
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Thanks, Lynn. Sometimes those 100-words are hard to corral. Glad you took the time to read it twice.
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It’s a visceral one. That last line of the wife reminded me of a heartbreaking scene in Jude the Obscure – do you know it? ‘Done because we are too menny’ is the line in Jude and your line had a similar feel. Heartbreaking
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No, I haven’t heard of Jude the Obscure. Is it a movie?
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She sounds like a very obedient wife to me.
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Maybe a bit too obedient? Thanks.
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Perhaps she took it too far. But I know the word “obey” used to be in the marriage vows.
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As I told Rochelle, I’m thinking the times in this tale are the late 1700’s when women truly were repressed.
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I wasn’t expecting that ending, nice one! I’m stuck in a “dark” rut as well, must be the time of year 🙂
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Perhaps it’s the shorter days and dark raining skies. Same thing in your neck of the woods or do you have blues skies? Thank you for reading.
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Sunshine and showers here…
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A nice combination.
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Dear Alicia,
Em, she do be a obedient wife. 😉 This be a dark piece. A good one at that.
Shalom,
Rochelle
PS Thank you for the kudos. I can’t believe it’s been four years.
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Yes indeedy, she is a bit too subservient. It’s the times. I’m thinking late 1700’s.
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And none too bright. 😉
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I really wasn’t expecting that! Chilling!
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Thanks, Clare. I do appreciate your stopping by to read and leave a comment. Alicia
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Dreadful – he clearly hoped they’d work it out.
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He was a little hasty believing town gossip. Thanks for reading my story and leaving a comment. Much appreciated.
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Perfect example for how deadly gossip can be. Very sad and powerful story, Alicia.
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So true. One must filter not only what they say, but what they hear. Thanks for reading and commenting.
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Ooooooo thats a tragic end. Lies hurt everyone
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Yes, they do. And they tend to snowball if left too long. Thanks for reading and commenting.
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Oh my, what a dark tale.
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Ooops, sorry! Thanks for reading.
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sadly, she let him win. she could have run away instead.
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In the period I had in mind (the late 1700’s) she really had no place to go. Thanks so much for reading and leaving a reply.
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Very dark. I felt I got a very clear image of Em, and her dreadful situation.
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Thanks, Sandra. I’m glad. Some people had a hard time with this tale, but that sort of thing makes us tune up our writing. I appreciate your reading and commenting.
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Ah, this hits hard…Poor Em, I suspect she had hard times long before that day. I liked the language, it added to tragedy.
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Yes, I believe she did have a rough go. Thanks for your comment concerning the language. I’d hope it would work. Much appreciated.
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Drak, I’ll say. Great voices. What desperation there must have been; what a backstory.
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Thanks. I’d hoped the voices would work. Thanks for leaving a comment! I appreciate it.
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Be gone… Sheesh, did she have to take it so literally? I’m figuring I woulda grabbed me a horse and carriage and been gone that a-way! Then again, he prob’ly didn’t leave the horse behind…
Poor thing…
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Yeah, she might have taken it too far, but where was she to go? Always appreciate your comments, Dale. Hope all is well.
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Very chilling. Tragic consequences of spiteful rumours
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Thanks. It didn’t start out that way…
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A dreadful tale!
Poor folks with very poor spirited neighbours or whoever is spreading tales.
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I think if you’re not the sharpest pencil, it’s easy to be cowed by others. Thanks so much for reading and leaving a comment.
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You have evoked a distant past and all it’s issues and the life of two people all in 100 words. Well done!
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Thank you for such a sweet comment.
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There’s so much going on between the lines – what he’s heard, how he believed it and then, I think, changed his mind; the implications of the note and Emily’s tragic obedience. I’d like to read a full-length story about these two.
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Thank you, once again, for such a thoughtful comment. I’m glad you could “see” what was happening between the lines. I think that in the time period I was writing about, it was a very witchy world in small towns.
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So sad that she believed this was the best way.
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Holy brilliant writing, Batman! Love this, Alicia. I did not see the end coming, but the tension and story built up so perfectly. The accent, the tone and setting. This is just great!!
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Thanks for your very kind words, Dawn!
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How terrible! A surprise in the ending and a reminder of how we can act impulsively when emotions rage, especially in the context of an unhealthy relationship (or that’s what I thought of, anyway!).
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You read it just right. Thanks for stopping by!
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