Today’s photo was provided by Russell Gayor’s wife, Connie. I tried my best to write a serious story, but when I saw our fellow Fictioneer standing in a hole filled with mud and water, I had to go on the light side. Thanks, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for posting it.
Used to be, Ernest was the best darn farmer in these parts.
Long before the 4th of July rolled around
his corn was way higher than your kneecap,
and his beets was bigger en bowlin balls.
I kid you not.
Then he up and married Widow Smith.
Worst dang thing he ever coulda’ done.
She don’t like nothin green on her plate.
Says corn makes her intestines ache,
and beets turn her teeth red.
Personally, I think she might be a vampire.
She sure sucked the life out of our Ernest.
Say, now that I think on it,
I ain’t seen her round for a while.
Great comic voice in this, Alicia
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Thanks, Neil. Russell brings it out in me.
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Ooh, lovely voice Lish. And you created some very strong characters in next to no words – the farmer, his veg-phobic wife and the narrator, all fleshed out. Lovely read
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Thanks, Lynn. I wrote two other stories for this prompt before I went to teach my class. Deleted them one after another. This was my third and final try. Glad you liked.
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Sometimes prompts don’t click straight away, do they? Then other times something pings in your head within a second. It worked out well in the end though 🙂
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If I remember correctly, I heard Widow Smith say something like, “It’s your stupid vegetable garden or me.” That was an awfully big hole he was digging…
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Yep! I think you heard correctly. Thanks, Trent.
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Who ever plants any beets six feet deep?
I can also imagine that his corn grew even higher afterwards.
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I think he’s planting Widow Smith. 🙂 Thanks, Bjorn.
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Maybe she’s pushing up tomatoes.
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Not quite yet. Soon though! Thanks for letting us poke fun at you! Tell Connie that’s a great picture. I remember seeing it on Facebook.
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Dear Lish,
I’m guessin’ Widder Smith is finally doing something positive for Ernest as fertilizer. You made me laugh. 😀
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Widder Smith will soon be poking up daisies! And I do believe Ernest loves daisies. I’m glad I made you laugh. Thanks.
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Rochelle done stole my comment… was gonna say he finally found some use fer her…
So funny!
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Thanks. Russell in that mud hole had to bring on some fun!!!
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Absolutely!
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for sure, a guy can only take so much punishment. 🙂
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Yep, time for her to go!
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Terrific voice. Loved the punchline.
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Thanks, Sandra. Overalls beckon for that voice to be used.
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Ha ha – loved reading this – loved the voice. The last line was brilliant!
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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Thank you! I’m glad the story made you smile.
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Nice, I especially like the second-last paragraph 🙂
I have the same feelings towards veggies!
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I based Widow Smith on a friend who was dieting and eating tons of salad. She loathes greens.
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Terrific tale made even more entertaining by the narrator’s voice! Great.
Click to read my FriFic tale
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Thanks, Keith.
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Well, vampire or no, she’s now serving as fertilizer for the corn and beets.
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Yep, problem solved. Thanks for reading and commenting, Mike.
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Great story, Alicia. Like others I enjoyed the voice you used.
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Love the voice. There are a lot of FF who’ve actually met Russell, clearly!
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Thanks! It’s fun to “meet” Russell through the banter between the FF participants.
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Such a well told tale Alicia, and witty. I enjoyed it a lot.
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Thanks! I’m glad it made you smile.
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I think Widow Smith’s ended up with a fate worse than stained teeth and pain in her gut!
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But now she’s stopped complaining 🙂
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Oh no, poor Ernest. He does sound green fingered and grew all the foods I love. I hope Widow Smith is shrivelled and unhealthy somewhere.
(Sorry, I can’t give a serious comment on your fun story this week 🙂 – Blame Russ in Boots.)
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No serious comment expected! This was definitely not written in a serious mode.
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They do say to use blood and bone fertiliser. Maybe that’s why Ernest was the best darn farmer in these parts. Fun take on the prompt.
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Thank you. I also use blood fertilizer to deter deer in my garden. Sometimes it works.
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Ach, but I tried to respond to your comment on my story, and durn it, I accidentally deleted the comment…. So, my response is: “Some weeks, we just can’t dig ourselves outa the hole, can we? LOL!” just can’t get my pinky to type correct today.
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You are so right.
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Love it. Did she get him to dig the hole, crafty lady?
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Oh! I hadn’t thought of that! Perhaps. Thanks for reading and commenting.
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Terrific piece of comic writing, Alicia, love it!
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Thanks. Blame it on Russell and perhaps Connie too.
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I would love to try some of those beets – not for taste – but for blood health –
and speaking of that — nice way to share how sometimes someone does suck the life out of someone (like a parasite) –
and nice ending – where did she go???
ha
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I’m glad you stopped by. I wish I could share some of Ernest’s beets with you.
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well that is okay – because I wonder if bowling ball big made them lose flavor – cos sometimes those grande veggies do that – hah! Let me just pretend so I don’t feel like I am missing out (sour grapes applied ) – just kidding….
maybe we can have a virtual share – I will take mine in juice form from the juicer please
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oh and after reading your latest reply (and thx for that by the way) such a large hole seems even more fitting for such ginormous beets
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Hahaha oh dear. Sounds like tge garden may have a new fertilizer
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Yep! May the beets continue to grow.
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This is great!
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I’m glad you liked it. Thanks.
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