A Brief Trip to the Garden

Posted: July 11, 2018 in Friday Fictioneers
Tags: , ,

Today’s photo was provided by Liz Young. Thanks to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for always posting thought-provoking prompts.

people are always watch, watch, watching me,
following, whispering, shouting
inside my head, behind my back, talk, talk, talk
i feel tied up in knots, trapped in a cage,
nowhere to run, nowhere to hide,
scared, happy,
no, sad, giddy
where are my mates, my mom, daughters
didn’t i have a son once
he is dead, was never born, did he have a twin
hell, can’t remember
i think i ate yesterday or last week
donuts, chips, an apple found in the trash
fought a squirrel for it, a raven

“Come with us, son. Time to go back inside.”

99-words

 

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Comments
  1. neilmacdon says:

    There’s a lovely poetic quality to this. A mad cadence

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I like this. The cage as a metaphor. Good job.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Whether it’s madness, loneliness, or something else, life’s dark side can be filled with extreme pressure

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Gah! This left we a wee bit unsettled.

    Maybe next time a limerick? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Sandra says:

    The confusion of mental illness so graphically portrayed. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. jillyfunnell says:

    Definitely an unsettling story, well done.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Very intriguing. The prose is rapid staccato as if in a manic state, and all the feeling of being trapped in so many ways.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Jelli says:

    Ah, the psychotic mind that converses with itself… say, did you hear the one about…. Love the write!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Iain Kelly says:

    A glimpse inside a mind I’m not sure I would want to spend too long with. Well written.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. draliman says:

    I love how the chaotic nature of your sentences mirrors his thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. pennygadd51 says:

    The confusion of your prose-poem is rather beautiful. It makes sense, in a weird sort of way. The line “fought a squirrel for it, a raven” is spectacularly good, dragging in all sorts of connotations about creatures of ill omen.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Dear Lish,

    Beautifully psychotic are the two words that come to my mind this early morning. Have you ever seen the movie Spider with Ralph Fiennes? Your poem puts me in mind of it. Disturbing but well worth seeing.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Liz Young says:

    Poor man – I feel so sad for him. And you’ve portrayed his madness brilliantly.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. gahlearner says:

    That man is trapped inside and outside of his head. Getting into that mind with your help makes me dizzy. Great writing.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. The narrator’s confusion is very disturbing and yet there is some solace in the soothing voice at the end. Nicely done

    Liked by 1 person

  16. plaridel says:

    you have portrayed mental illness very well. good job.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Super great interpretation of the photo prompt for a metaphor of dark insanity.
    I felt every bit of the corners of the mind. You are good …. very good.
    Isadora ๐Ÿ˜Ž

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Laurie Bell says:

    Oh you told this so well. Sad and rhythmic. Seems very lost

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Dale says:

    You’ve done a great job here, Alicia.. I can well imagine this is what goes on inside their head…

    Liked by 1 person

  20. This is so very accurate of the muddled head of a psychotic, maybe with a bit of dementia slipping in, too. I get a picture of a long-term patient, whose brain is just as much a victim of heavy doses of medication,as of the illness itself. Your writing works very well, Alicia,with how you’ve constructed the piece in this fragmented way, devoid of capital letters.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for noticing and appreciating the lack of capital letters. I’d hope it wouldn’t appear too much like texting. I hate no caps in texts. But I’m a stickler. So glad you stopped by.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I dispensed with capital letters in one of my novels, whenever a particular character failed to take his anti-psychotic medication. In fact, he was so off his head that he didn’t even think in commas or full stops! I’m like you about texts. It has to be perfect English and none of this shorthand rubbish.

        Liked by 2 people

  21. Alice Audrey says:

    Your character is even crazier than mine.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. I really enjoyed the rhythm of your prose and was surprised by the twist at the end. You described well the mind of someone with a psychological disorder. It’s quite sad. They often suffer from paranoia, fear, confusion … Well written story! =)

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Lovely prose Alicia, you create a real sense of the person’s chaotic mind, and your empathy for them.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. 4963andypop says:

    Sounds like it may be time to come inside for his or her meds…nice portrayal of how frenetically a mind continues to work, even when its not working well. (Just learned that frenetic comes from the Latin word meaning delirious. )

    Liked by 1 person

  25. My God, that was crazy, unsettling, and deeply disturbing. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Dahlia says:

    For a 100 words I was him – this was brilliant!

    Liked by 1 person

  27. granonine says:

    Very easy to slip into this character’s head and feel what he feels. Incredibly sad.

    Like

  28. Sad. A cage is a cage, gilded or no.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. I love the style you used. It was perfect for the tale. Well done, Lish.

    Liked by 1 person

  30. James McEwan says:

    What I love about mental madness is, how encapsulating and intense it becomes. This was a good read and I image was fun to write, after all you just let go and of course embrace the madness of the situation.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. What an interesting stream of consciousness ;).

    Liked by 1 person

  32. Jan Morrill says:

    Poetic madness. Excellent!

    Liked by 1 person

  33. Sarah Ann says:

    So sad. I wonder if he will reclaim his equilibrium back inside. A great insight into one lost and wandering mind.

    Liked by 1 person

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