Today’s photo was provided by Liz Young. Thanks to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for always posting thought-provoking prompts.
people are always watch, watch, watching me,
following, whispering, shouting
inside my head, behind my back, talk, talk, talk
i feel tied up in knots, trapped in a cage,
nowhere to run, nowhere to hide,
scared, happy,
no, sad, giddy
where are my mates, my mom, daughters
didn’t i have a son once
he is dead, was never born, did he have a twin
hell, can’t remember
i think i ate yesterday or last week
donuts, chips, an apple found in the trash
fought a squirrel for it, a raven
“Come with us, son. Time to go back inside.”
99-words
There’s a lovely poetic quality to this. A mad cadence
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Thanks, Neil. That’s what I was aiming for. Glad it worked. Cheers!
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I like this. The cage as a metaphor. Good job.
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Thanks, Josh!
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Whether it’s madness, loneliness, or something else, life’s dark side can be filled with extreme pressure
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Oh, boy, it sure can. We had a patient at our dental office who, when off her meds, would jump into fountains, and cut all her hair off. The poor girl heard voices that told her to do these things.
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Gah! This left we a wee bit unsettled.
Maybe next time a limerick? 😉
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I’ll give it a go. 😉 But thanks, it was supposed to be a wee bit unsettling. So it worked. Happy dance.
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The confusion of mental illness so graphically portrayed. Well done.
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Thanks, Sandra.
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Definitely an unsettling story, well done.
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Thanks, Jilly. I’m glad you stopped by.
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Very intriguing. The prose is rapid staccato as if in a manic state, and all the feeling of being trapped in so many ways.
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Thanks! I’m glad that worked. I appreciate your stopping by.
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🙂
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Ah, the psychotic mind that converses with itself… say, did you hear the one about…. Love the write!
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Thanks, Jelli. This was a stumper this morning. Almost skipped writing something. I’m glad you liked my story.
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A glimpse inside a mind I’m not sure I would want to spend too long with. Well written.
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Thanks, Iain. You gotta admit the guy in the cage is bringing out the strangeness in most of us. Lish
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It’s that kinda prompt this week 🙂
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I love how the chaotic nature of your sentences mirrors his thoughts.
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Thanks very much, Ali.
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The confusion of your prose-poem is rather beautiful. It makes sense, in a weird sort of way. The line “fought a squirrel for it, a raven” is spectacularly good, dragging in all sorts of connotations about creatures of ill omen.
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Thank you for noticing that, Penny! I love your comments for the things you spot. Alicia
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Dear Lish,
Beautifully psychotic are the two words that come to my mind this early morning. Have you ever seen the movie Spider with Ralph Fiennes? Your poem puts me in mind of it. Disturbing but well worth seeing.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Dear Fairy Blog Mother,
Thanks for the lovely comment. I haven’t seen Spider but really like Ralph Fiennes in movies. (Plus, he’s easy on the eyes.) Have a wonderful day
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Poor man – I feel so sad for him. And you’ve portrayed his madness brilliantly.
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Thanks, Liz. This is such a creepy picture, although I know it’s merely for Halloween.
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That man is trapped inside and outside of his head. Getting into that mind with your help makes me dizzy. Great writing.
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Wow! Thanks so much.
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The narrator’s confusion is very disturbing and yet there is some solace in the soothing voice at the end. Nicely done
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I’m afraid he’s trapped for life, inside and out. Thanks, Siobhan. Nice to see you back!
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you have portrayed mental illness very well. good job.
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Thanks ~ scary, maybe I’m on the verge. Glad you stopped by.
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Super great interpretation of the photo prompt for a metaphor of dark insanity.
I felt every bit of the corners of the mind. You are good …. very good.
Isadora 😎
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And you, my dear, are very, very sweet. Thank you muchly.
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Oh you told this so well. Sad and rhythmic. Seems very lost
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Thank you for stopping by and leaving such a lovely comment.
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You’ve done a great job here, Alicia.. I can well imagine this is what goes on inside their head…
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Thanks muchly, Dale.
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This is so very accurate of the muddled head of a psychotic, maybe with a bit of dementia slipping in, too. I get a picture of a long-term patient, whose brain is just as much a victim of heavy doses of medication,as of the illness itself. Your writing works very well, Alicia,with how you’ve constructed the piece in this fragmented way, devoid of capital letters.
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Thanks for noticing and appreciating the lack of capital letters. I’d hope it wouldn’t appear too much like texting. I hate no caps in texts. But I’m a stickler. So glad you stopped by.
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I dispensed with capital letters in one of my novels, whenever a particular character failed to take his anti-psychotic medication. In fact, he was so off his head that he didn’t even think in commas or full stops! I’m like you about texts. It has to be perfect English and none of this shorthand rubbish.
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Your character is even crazier than mine.
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Ha! Thanks, I think. 😉
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I really enjoyed the rhythm of your prose and was surprised by the twist at the end. You described well the mind of someone with a psychological disorder. It’s quite sad. They often suffer from paranoia, fear, confusion … Well written story! =)
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Thanks so much, Brenda. There but for the grace of God go I and all that. Who knows what happens in the “wiring.”
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Lovely prose Alicia, you create a real sense of the person’s chaotic mind, and your empathy for them.
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Thanks. I can’t imagine what having this running around in your brain would be like.
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Sounds like it may be time to come inside for his or her meds…nice portrayal of how frenetically a mind continues to work, even when its not working well. (Just learned that frenetic comes from the Latin word meaning delirious. )
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Thanks, for sharing that! And thanks for stopping by, reading and commenting.
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My God, that was crazy, unsettling, and deeply disturbing. Well done.
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Thank you.
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For a 100 words I was him – this was brilliant!
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What a lovely comment. Thank you.
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Very easy to slip into this character’s head and feel what he feels. Incredibly sad.
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Sad. A cage is a cage, gilded or no.
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So very true.
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I love the style you used. It was perfect for the tale. Well done, Lish.
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Thanks so much, Russell.
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What I love about mental madness is, how encapsulating and intense it becomes. This was a good read and I image was fun to write, after all you just let go and of course embrace the madness of the situation.
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Exactly! Thank you, James
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What an interesting stream of consciousness ;).
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Thanks, Dawn. My interpretation of an unsettled mind.
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You did it well Alicia.
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Very poetic.
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Thanks.
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This left me breathless!
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Thanks very much. You can breathe now! 😉
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Poetic madness. Excellent!
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Thanks very much.
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So sad. I wonder if he will reclaim his equilibrium back inside. A great insight into one lost and wandering mind.
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One can hope, yes?
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