This is my contribution to Pegman. What a creepy place the Overbrook Lunatic Asylum must have been. Thanks for reading my 147-word story.
Yeah Luke was a phantom all right sliding in and out of the gang like vapor from our pipes he’d smoke a little of this a lot of that then disappear come back clean and start all over again we didn’t mind he was funny brought bloom flakka krokodil crank disappeared for good one day that was o.k. we’d already decided he was crazy anyone that lived in the decrepit lunatic asylum had to be of course authorities didn’t know or they’d a booted him out every now and then one of us or all of us or three of us would go in there to hang ’cause being inside creeped us out James was the one who opened the drawer and found Luke wrapped in a straight jacket dead as any doornail with hyde tattooed on his forehead hell yes we scattered ain’t been back since
Ooh, I really like this one! The story is super creepy, the voice is weird and offbeat, and the stream-of-consciousness writing goes perfectly with the frenetic, barely contained monologue.
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Thank you, Joy. I hoped note using punctuation would work. Sometimes, you never know. I appreciate your comment.
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I know what you mean — sometimes the experiments go where you hope and sometimes they fall flat.
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Excellente! 🙂 ❤ The lack of punctuation really added to it, too. Like listening to someone extremely excited prattling on. I can imagine that it scared them right outa their skulls, too. Great spook this week! Happy Halloween!
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Happy Halloween pack atcha’, Jelli. Thanks for your comment. I’m glad the lack of punctuation worked for you.
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Dear Lish,
Yeah, that would have me running and never going back. Liked the voice in this…something you’re so good at.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks, Rochelle. There are some pretty spooky stories coming from this prompt.
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Great style for this piece, Lish. It just tumbles out like a rant.
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I’m glad it worked. Thanks, Josh
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This one took my breath away. Great pacing, superb voice, and terrifying to boot!
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Thanks so much for such a lovely comment. Lish
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