The Circle of Thorns

Posted: December 6, 2017 in Friday Fictioneers
Tags: , , , ,

I wrote 97-some words this morning, saved them, and went off to teach my aerobics class, expecting to do a last minute edit when I returned. Meanwhile, my husband hit a “random” button that deleted my story. Ah, well, round two. Thanks, Rochelle, for posting this thought-provoking picture taken by Dale Rogerson.

When you walked out
a tangle of thorns encased my heart
creating minuscule fissures and tears
that bled memories, hopes, and dreams

Time
that’s all it took
years and years of time
but I have
at last
healed

The pits and gashes slowly filled
with the sound of laughter
gifts of river-worn pebbles
faded sand dollars
and small winsome smiles

Now, if my mind dares to whisper
You still love him, seek him out
My heart roars
If you do I will quit you!
For I only beat
in order to protect the child
he left behind!

95-words

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Comments
  1. neilmacdon says:

    That’s powerful writing, Alicia. An invocation to herself

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow! That was fantastic – so beautifully written and thought provoking.

    Susan A Eames at
    Travel, Fiction and Photos

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Iain Kelly says:

    I hope your husband didn’t get into too much trouble! The 2nd version is pretty good anyway 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Joy Pixley says:

    So frustrating, to lose your first story. But you came up with a great second option!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Love that last stanza of resistance… some bridges should remain burned.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Dale says:

    Only a few drawer slams? Lucky man…
    That said, can’t speak for the original 97 words, but these ones are absolutely wonderful!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. What a lovely, impactful story. Just beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. draliman says:

    Powerful and beautifully written. Sorry about the demise of the first draft!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Sandra says:

    There’s a quiet strength and determination to the words here, Alicia. Very wel done.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Dear Lish,

    There are certain things I do not share with my husband. A computer is one of them. 😉 At any rate, what you’ve posted is powerful and beautifully written. Love it.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

    • After my simple tantrum, he grumbled, “I’ll just never touch the computer again!” Ha! I do love his efforts though. Lesson learned to save a logout. Thanks for enjoying my work. Shalom to you, Lish

      Like

  11. Lynn Love says:

    The pits and gashes slowly filled
    with the sound of laughter
    gifts of river-worn pebbles
    faded sand dollars
    and small winsome smiles

    Beautiful, Lish. Just lovely images, perfectly chosen words and a sweet, lilting rhythm to the language. Gorgeous.
    I’m curious – did you think the second version worked best or are you frustrated because you remember the 1st as better?

    Liked by 1 person

  12. granonine says:

    I always enjoy your poetic words. This took more than one time through for me to get the complete picture, and it was well worth it.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. plaridel says:

    glad she was able to move on. fantastic.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. pennygadd51 says:

    That is a beautiful poem, Alicia. I love it all, but, like Lynn, I would have picked out the stanza
    ‘The pits and gashes slowly filled
    with the sound of laughter
    gifts of river-worn pebbles
    faded sand dollars
    and small winsome smiles’
    That’s simply lovely.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. rgayer55 says:

    Wow, that was powerful and beautifully done. Great writing, Lish.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. subroto says:

    A very nice and very powerful poem. Brilliantly done.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Liz Young says:

    Beautiful poem – and get your own laptop with a ‘Don’t touch’ label on the lid!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Enjoyed it! Perhaps, we are glad your husband deleted the first?
    Scott
    Mine: https://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2017/12/11/fall-of-our-discontent/

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Poignant and powerful. Great images evoked. Loved the heart talking and the threat at the end.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Lovely, Alicia. It seems the child has made up for the absence of the father. Good writing. It’s poetic. —- Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Fluid Phrase says:

    How beautiful! Absolutely loved this piece!

    Liked by 1 person

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