Let’s say we have a man and a woman. Let’s say they’re in a boat. Let’s put the boat in a lake.
He wraps an arm around her. She leans into his shoulder, kisses him and says, “Love you.”
Oh, I know it can go another way.
Maybe she doesn’t want the arm there. You can tell because she pulls away.
Maybe she’s waiting to tell him, “I’m pregnant.” or “I’m leaving.”
But I’m telling you it goes the first way.
Maybe they remove their clothes,
make love with swans floating around them. Hokey, I know.
But this is their story, not mine.
Up From the Ashes 
I like the tone.. the way to speculate.. I feel like it’s about finding happiness someplace.. the voice of the observer…
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Thanks, Bjorn. This is new for me. Saw it somewhere and am trying it out.
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A wonderfully open story that tells all. Loved the last line.
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Thank you, Yarnspinnerr, glad you enjoyed the story.
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Way to change it up!
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I had hoped it would work….
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Indeed it did.
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Love the authoritative voice of the narrator. And a gentle love story it is.
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Thanks! She is a bit bossy, yes?
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Their story or your story. It’s a kind of symbiosis I think. It’s an exciting process, whoever gets the rudder at the end. I love your/their story either way.
Marg
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Love your comment – whoever gets the rudder in the end : – ) Thanks for commenting! I appreciate it.
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I agree with Bjorn. Nice tone. Even great tone.
But what do I know. it’s your tone, not mine.
Could have gone either way. especially because I’m tone deaf.
But it didn’t, did it?
Randy
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It went the way “they” wanted. Thanks for reading and commenting. Alicia
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I loved the style of this. Really well done.
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Thank you, Sandra. And thanks so much for commenting! I always appreciate it.
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This is great. It’s really unusual to bring the authorial voice into a piece. Sometimes I feel like that when I’m writing – ‘Oh, my character needs to sit down. Here’s a chair then.’ We’re creating worlds, and the options are limitless.
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I love peopling and painting my imaginary world. Thank you very much for reading and commenting on this piece.
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Sweet, and I love the conversational way you wrote it.
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Thank you. It was interesting trying to work it out.
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Dear Alicia,
Let’s say I read your story, which I did. And then let’s say I smiled. I did. We could also say that I enjoyed your story. And I did.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Let’s say I read your comment. And I ,too, smiled. Thanks, Rochelle.
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Interesting narration. What a novel idea! Well done.
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I read a short story in a magazine written in this style and wanted to play with it a little. Glad you liked it. Thanks!
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Well, you “played” just fine! 🙂
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Thanks! It was fun.
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I love the pacing of this. Good job.
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Why, thank you.
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Your experimentation worked a treat, Alicia. I enjoyed it very much. Especially how you play in the open with a writers’ concerns: whose story is it, the writer’s or the character’s, and who has control? who decides how it ends up?
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Thanks, Karen. This was a fun experiment.
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Interesting and good read. You hooked me in from the start. I like the play on perspectives and parallels. Well done!
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Thank you, Maree, I’m glad I peaked your interest.
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Alicia, congratulations on a style I haven’t seen on FF before and you pulled it off wonderfully.
janet
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Thanks, Janet. I’m pleased it worked.
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Oh that worked so well! 😀 Fun 🙂
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Thanks! I’m glad it did and appreciate your stopping to comment.
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I really like the style, you voiced it so well.
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Thanks, it’s pretty fun! Glad you took the time to read and respond. Alicia
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And everyone has a story to tell. I wonder if your narrator is watching a couple as she thinks this. I like the naked part with the swans floating around. That part has my vote. 🙂
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That made me laugh, Amy. Thanks for your vote. Cheers! Alicia
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I tried reading this in a Humphrey Bogart voice and it works really well. A very clever presentation. Here’s lookin’ at you, kid.
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OMG! You’re right this has a kind of film noir thing going on. Just remember this – if you have any questions – put your lips together and blow! Thanks for noticing.
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You had me laughing now, many ends for this story!
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Indeed!
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Alicia, This was a new style for you but it seems to have worked well. I hope it was dark or they were behind some bushes. 😀 I seem to have a practical mind. Well written. 🙂 — Susan
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Yes, it was a new style. And thanks for thinking of the bushes! I appreciate your comment.
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Everyone makes own story. Nicely written.
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We do, don’t we? And we always hope it turns out for the best. Thanks for commenting.
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Absolutely love your approach this week – the complete opposite of the omnipotent author. Now let’s imagine, after they’ve made love he tells her he’s leaving and in her anger she pushes him out of the boat. Up to you whether he can swim or not. (Sorry for playing, I’ve got carried away with this idea.)
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No, no! Play away, it’s awfully fun. Thank you for enjoying Their Story. Alicia
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Dear Alicia, I love this story! Excellent! I’ve never written in this style – but it is not only clever – it works! You are awesome! Thanks, Nan 🙂
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Wow! Thanks, Nan, you should give it a try. It’s pretty fun. Glad you liked it, Alicia
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I just adore this, the style, the tone, the story, all of it.
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Thanks, Melanie, I’m glad it worked.
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Dear Alicia,
Making love with the swans around them. Very nice. This was a well told tale with a unique POV and I loved it. Take my word for it.
Aloha,
Doug
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I shall. Thanks, Doug! Hope all is well.
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An interesting approach – it makes you curious about the narrator: an observer, a writer, a supernatural being…? Without the word limit you might’ve resolved that for us 😉
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Darn that word limit! Thanks for the thoughtful comment.
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