Beatin’ Feet

Posted: September 23, 2015 in Friday Fictioneers
Tags: , ,

“Beat feet, beat feet, get outta’ town.” J.L. taps his fingers to the rhythm in his head.
Blinding headlights – coming and going. Lost his glasses in the fight.
Damn Loretta. Gotten herself pregnant. Swore J.L.’s the father. Freakin’ liar that Loretta.

Sirens. One foot on the gas. Other on the brake. “Beat feet.”
Swerve ’round the truck. Squeal between V.W. and S.U.V.
Over the center line. Back. Man his head hurt where she’d hit him.
Fixed her for that. Oh yeah.

“Beatin’ feet.” Wham! Screeching metal. Exploding glass.
Loretta flies through the windshield.
No worries, she’d been dead long before J.L. got outta’ town.

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Comments
  1. Dear Alicia,

    First, I’ve missed you!!! Second, awesome verse. Third, I hope JK realizes that an ME is going to figure out that the accident occurred postmortem. 😉 Stellar and great to see you back here

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Rochelle! Glad to be back. I’d written a whole ditty about my recent road trip on some version of Beatin’ Feet, must have been one I didn’t publish. I appreciate your kind words. (I don’t think J.L. is smart enough to know much of anything. Shoots from the hip.) Alicia

      Like

  2. Sandra says:

    Back with a vengeance hey? 🙂 Savage and frenzied – well done.

    Like

  3. Oh.. what an awesome piece.. really like that beat, like a death-drum.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. draliman says:

    Very dark. I loved the way you gave us the back story during the story, and the “beat” throughout. He sounds like a real nasty piece of work.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You realize he is running from something and in the end you find out what. Good description of a low life guy trying to make his getaway.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. plaridel says:

    what a great yarn! and welcome back!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. micklively says:

    “Brake”?
    Good piece.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. What a great story, I really like the style.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Oh… didn’t expect that! Nice tension here. I like it!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. gahlearner says:

    Wow, you return with a vengeance. I love the beat, it drives the story.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Dale says:

    Too bad it wasn’t him who flew through the glass…

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Margaret says:

    Now that’s a story with impact. Great energy and pace. Well told.

    Like

  13. Thanks, Margaret. I appreciate your comments.

    Like

  14. helenmidgley says:

    I loved the ‘beat’ 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Wow! Low life lit extraordinaire. I can smell the cheap likker, the stale air of the trailer, unwashed dishes, and JL’s long stretch in prison. A trophy piece.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. mjlstories says:

    Love the frenzied style of this!

    Like

  17. I was breathless from the cadence of this piece.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. They got him, unless he’s dead too, which wouldn’t be so bad! Well done!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. rgayer55 says:

    I wonder what little tune he’ll have in his head while in prison? “Drop the soap, don’t pick it up, baby . . . .”

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Amy Reese says:

    Great beat to this. I wanted to say it out loud while I read it. I hope he gets his due. Well done, Alicia. Great to see you again!

    Like

  21. wildbilbo says:

    Awesome 🙂
    Loved this, inside the guys head, the final reveal…nice work.
    KT

    Liked by 1 person

  22. hafong says:

    A lot of hate in the beat! And the beat goes on. Can’t get it outta my head. Eeek!

    Lily

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Sumana Roy says:

    this karma will get him in the end surely…an awesome write…

    Like

  24. Ula says:

    I like the rhythm of this piece.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. rogershipp says:

    Loved how ‘the drive’ of the piece kept the piece going! Well done!

    Like

  26. I love your style. That murdering so-and-so sounds high on Meths. That beat is relentless.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. jwdwrites says:

    What about JL? did he get his comeuppance? I hope so. 🙂

    Like

  28. Welcome back, Alicia. Great story. Looks like part of him was gone before the accident. Putting his dead girlfirend in the car beside him means his mind was not completely present. Great rhythm. Well done. 🙂 — Suzanne

    Like

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