Landslide

Posted: March 21, 2018 in Friday Fictioneers
Tags: , , , , , ,

It’s Wednesday-Friday! Thanks to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields we have this intriguing photo prompt taken by Björn Rudberg. I can’t wait to read what the other Friday Fictioneers saw in the picture.

The boys studied the map.
One pointed north. “The Dragon’s Back. We’re on track.”
“What’s with the sign?”
“Don’t know. Don’t speak a da language.”
The boys laughed,
one less heartily than the other. “Looks to me like it’s saying don’t go this way, turn back.”
“Don’t be a sissy-boy.”
One’s face turned red.
“Come on! Nothing ventured, nothing gained.”
The boys revved the engines of their four-wheelers.
One of them had learned to pop his front tires off the ground. “Go!”
The boys sped around the corner, into the wall of rocks deposited by last night’s landslide.

Comments
  1. Next time pay attention.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Iain Kelly says:

    A story fitting for boy racers the world over.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. jillyfunnell says:

    Boys will be boys. To them signs are a challenge – or at least created to be ignored. Good story.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. prior.. says:

    ugh – so sad to have them “run” into the wall of rocks – and darn youngens – their brains are still developing til they are 24 and we know a handful of teens that have accidents on little 3 and 4 wheelers.
    actually – I guess it was the 3-wheelers that we prone to tip and we do not see them anymore….
    anyhow, I also like the peer pressure you depicted – that face red and groupthink shuts down the wise youngen many times – they should have listened

    Liked by 1 person

  5. neilmacdon says:

    A deeply moral tale, Alicia

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Alice Audrey says:

    This is how young men win the Darwin Award.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This seems familiar. I did a few daring (stupid) things when I was young and gladly survived. =) Engaging story!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Varad says:

    I get a Wile E.Coyote vibe from this. Rev, turn, wham!

    Liked by 2 people

  9. pennygadd51 says:

    I hope the impact caused the boys nothing worse than bruises! You did a good job including the peer pressure. It’s a shame that sissy-boy is still such a potent insult – but it is, and you were right to use it.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. To be a teenager and survive is truly a miracle. Actually the landslide around the corner was pretty much how it was.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. granonine says:

    Ouch. Hard way to learn a lesson.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. draliman says:

    A tragic and cautionary tale. Why do the “invincible” young never listen? Nice one!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Go story, Lish. At that age, we like to be bold. We feel twelve-feet-tall and bullet-proof. That came through.

    One critique (if you don’t mind). I recommend giving the hesitant boy a name. You could call him Robbie, or something like that. I think it would make it more personal for the reader and help them connect with what he’s feeling inside.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Russell, I don’t mind the critique at all! I purposely wrote it that way as an experiment (I was waiting for someone to mention the style) and love the fact you took the time to let me know it needs some tweaking. Much appreciated.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Lynn Love says:

    Whoah! Let’s hope they lived to learn from their experience, daft lads. Liked the dialogue here, Lish – very believable

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Lynn. (If you have the time – please look at the above discussion Russell and I had. I would appreciate your input. It was difficult to arrange the dialogue and perhaps ….)

      Liked by 1 person

      • Lynn Love says:

        I do understand Russell’s point. I don’t really have a problem with unnamed characters myself, but I’ve read critiques where absence of a name is picked up on, or inclusion of a name applauded for this reason – to help readers identify with the character. As I say, I don’t mind an unnamed MC for a short story, I can still identify with them if I’m put in their head by the writer. But also, it might help with the slight issue of ‘one of them’, ‘one’s face’ etc.
        I guess what I’m saying is, many people do seem to like having named characters. Not sure if all that rambling helped, but that’s my two penn’orth 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    • Your rambling helped very much! I would never attempt this with a longer piece. It was hard enough to arrange in 100-words. Thanks for your time! I truly appreciate it.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Dear Lish,

    Some people never learn to take directions, do they? Good one.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Sandra says:

    Ah how indomitable young men believe they are. You captured that well, Alicia.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. James McEwan says:

    I can associate with your characters, just like young boys, they know it all. Carefree and full of bravado.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Dale says:

    It’s the penis. Those who have one cannot see past anything.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Awwe, when will young blood learn to think.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Sarah Ann says:

    Such enthusiasm cut short. Great how you set this up. I wonder if the reluctant one held back and will be able to help the others. An unsettling, and death-full ending, I imagine to this one.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Moon says:

    Boys will be boys! 🙂(
    Great take on the prompt .

    Liked by 1 person

  22. OUCH …. but – I guess boys will be boys. That ‘Sissy-boy’ gets them going each and every time.
    I like the landslide twist. I haven’t read any that had thought of it including me. Clever !!!
    Isadora 😎

    Liked by 1 person

  23. subroto says:

    Ouch! I did so many stupid things when young, guess I am just lucky to be here. Its that feeling of being invincible which we learn later is not true. Nice one.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. lisarey1990 says:

    This is really good. Very authentic.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. A well told story – love the way you do the dialogue between the boys – gets over a real sense of their ‘attitude’. Good one.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Thom Carswell says:

    Ouch! Great story Alicia. Those peaks would definitely be called ‘The Dragon’s Back’ on any map worth following. It’s a shame their adventure came to such an abrupt end!

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Ouch! Hopefully they hadn’t gathered enough speed to do real damage.

    Liked by 1 person

Where are you headed without leaving a reply?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.